In a previous posting, I mentioned the book ‘The Hiding Place’, based on the story of Corrie Ten Boom and her sister during World War II, and how they were imprisoned in a concentration camp. Corrie’s sister was almost not of this world- instead seeming to belong to the heavenly realms. Her faith was unlike anything that I’ve read or heard of. The part of the book that impacted me the most was actually just a minor event, but its life application, I thought, was tremendous. During the latter half of the their time in the camp, the sisters were moved into a much more crowded women’s dorm with deplorable conditions. Worst of all was that the whole place was infested with fleas. Corrie’s sister, above all, was always thankful for everything, and when they arrived in the dorm, she excitedly demanded that she and Corrie give thanks for all of the women they could now minister to- and also for the fleas. Corrie said that there was no way she would give thanks for the fleas, but her sister convinced her and she begrudgingly did. As time passed, they could not understand why the guards never came in to search them, leaving their smuggled bible undiscovered and allowing them to read and minister to the women there. It was when Corrie’s sister was dying that the reason became apparent- the guards refused to set foot in the dorm because of the fleas.
Are we thankful for the fleas in our lives? Here’s another example- our pastor here told a story about how a business deal that their family business made led to him being taken to court in Delhi. The judge, after looking at the plaintiff’s papers for 10 seconds, decreed that he’d look at it in a week, which meant that our pastor would have to spend that week in prison while he waited. Think ‘Midnight Express’ or the stories of the ‘black hole of Calcutta’, and that will give you an idea of what prisons here are like. But the pastor’s first reaction was to praise God and give thanks. He didn’t know how he’d get through it, but he had peace and stood there calmly. Inexplicably, the judge stopped the next proceeding and reached over and took his papers again, and announced that he would actually deal with the case then and there, and the matter was settled.
With our return date of July 9th, the girls and I have been counting the days. Last week, Adam’s work decided that they needed him to stay for an important meeting in mid-July, which meant adding extra days to our trip. Even though it was just 4 extra days, it was a real blow for me and the girls. It’s like telling your kids two weeks before Christmas that you decided to have it after New Year's instead. I really struggled with this and was, quite frankly, very angry and depressed. After a day or two, I came to terms with it and tried to move forward. Then, two days later, Adam’s company said they need to move our return out another day on top of the four. Again, that went over as well as the proverbial lead balloon. I tried to tell myself to be thankful for the fleas and prayed that God would give me that spirit. The next day I tried to get out of my dark mood, when lo and behold, we were told that there were no flights on that new date, and we’d have to add yet another day. I was again extremely angry and tried to remember the fleas but sadly could not bring myself to be thankful for it. Its like God was saying, ‘Okay- let’s try it again…’.
So I failed the being thankful for the fleas test, but what I did learn was a huge lesson in the incredible awesomeness of God’s grace and forgiveness. I was really angry with God and told him so. I've never done that in my life, even in very bad situations (of which I've had my share). When I regained my senses, I realized what I had done- I had dared to tell the Creator of the Universe, the Alpha and the Omega, that I, the puny insect person, was angry with Him. I’ve done a lot of things, and still do things, that I’ve had to repent of, but for me this was completely over the line. I know all sin is equal in God’s eyes, but I felt like me expressing anger toward the Almighty was worthy of me being crushed like a bug. I am humbled by the thought that, thanks to the cleansing blood of Jesus, I could again come before the throne of the Father, completely forgiven.
Our new return date is July 15th. Thank you God for the fleas….
Monday, June 28, 2010
Tuesday, June 15, 2010
Climbing the Mountain
Over the past two days, I’ve experienced a huge transformation. I am out of the valley and climbing up the mountain again. I believe that this is the blessing that I was waiting for in June. I have a feeling other blessings are still to come.
There is so much to tell about this week. I’ll begin with the healing that I’ve had. It was right around the time of my last posting, when we had taken Hailey to the hospital here. I felt like I was at my breaking point. I felt almost mentally unstable, not knowing how I was going to endure the remaining weeks here and envisioning every horrible scenario imaginable. I don’t know what a nervous breakdown feels like, but I can imagine I was close to it. In a nutshell, I was gripped by an overwhelming sense of fear that was suffocating me. Not knowing what to do, I sent an e-mail in the morning to our Pastor’s wife, asking for prayer and expressing my feelings of fear and being overwhelmed. Not only did they pray, but they came over that evening to spend time with us and pray more. It was an incredible time of fellowship and prayer. Both Pastor Thomas and his wife Molly encouraged me with scripture and prayers. Most importantly, I think, is how they showed me that I have been living under the oppression of the spirit of fear. I agreed and had even told Adam the night before, in the midst of the fear, that it really felt like spiritual warfare and I now needed to fight.
Pastor Thomas and Molly could see immediately that it was spiritual oppression. After a time as we were praying, Thomas’ eyes went to the china cabinet in our living room with a lit display case. In it, we had a large carved ceremonial elephant as well as many other small ones. Knowing that we’d most likely spend a fair amount of money on them, Thomas asked if he could be frank with us. We of course said yes. Unbeknownst to us, elephants in full ceremonial dress are Hindu idols, and we had put it in a place of prominence in our house. He said that we should consider removing them from the apartment, and showed us scripture to support this. The bible is very clear about God’s displeasure with idols. While Adam and I discussed it and how we might handle it, we thought of giving them to the Hindu guy that manages our apartment. We prayed some more and literally the SECOND that we stopped praying, the doorbell rang, and it was the apartment manager (who never comes in the evening, mind you!). We promptly bagged up the carvings and gave them to him to take away. The thing that really convicted us to get rid of them too was that the very night that we bought them, I started being plagued by demonic dreams. I had a strong feeling that it was something to do with the carvings. Another neat thing that came out of the situation was that Pastor Thomas mentioned later in church that the speed with which we made our decision and the equally quick action was a lesson for him in his habit of procrastination.
I have had another experience like this before involving spiritual warfare, and at the time I didn’t understand why God would allow it. Eventually I realized that He allowed it to bring a bad situation to light so it could be dealt with and removed from my life once and for all. This is definitely the case here. It wasn’t so much having to do with getting rid of the carving. The main point was to bring to me to that place where I was so utterly backed into a corner that I had to do something, like make the decision to fight the oppression and accept Jesus’ truths. Thomas used a great analogy from a Malayali movie, where a guy robs another guy by putting a carrot to his back, pretending it was a gun. The analogy really struck a chord with both me and Adam. The enemy is holding a carrot to our backs! Why do we give in to him so easily? We give the enemy way more power than he has or deserves.
We have been blessed in such a tremendous way by Pastor Thomas, Molly the son Rohith, the daughter Manju, her husband Jereen, and Manju and Jereen’s one year old little boy DJ. Its like we’ve known them for years. Yesterday was Adam’s birthday, and the whole family surprised Adam and came over in the evening with a cake. Jereen was traveling to the US later that night as well but still came over. It was a very touching and special gesture. We only have three more Sundays with them. Its heartbreaking to think of leaving them.
Praise God for being such a faithful father, even when we don't understand the work that He is doing in us. Blessed be the name of the Lord!
There is so much to tell about this week. I’ll begin with the healing that I’ve had. It was right around the time of my last posting, when we had taken Hailey to the hospital here. I felt like I was at my breaking point. I felt almost mentally unstable, not knowing how I was going to endure the remaining weeks here and envisioning every horrible scenario imaginable. I don’t know what a nervous breakdown feels like, but I can imagine I was close to it. In a nutshell, I was gripped by an overwhelming sense of fear that was suffocating me. Not knowing what to do, I sent an e-mail in the morning to our Pastor’s wife, asking for prayer and expressing my feelings of fear and being overwhelmed. Not only did they pray, but they came over that evening to spend time with us and pray more. It was an incredible time of fellowship and prayer. Both Pastor Thomas and his wife Molly encouraged me with scripture and prayers. Most importantly, I think, is how they showed me that I have been living under the oppression of the spirit of fear. I agreed and had even told Adam the night before, in the midst of the fear, that it really felt like spiritual warfare and I now needed to fight.
Pastor Thomas and Molly could see immediately that it was spiritual oppression. After a time as we were praying, Thomas’ eyes went to the china cabinet in our living room with a lit display case. In it, we had a large carved ceremonial elephant as well as many other small ones. Knowing that we’d most likely spend a fair amount of money on them, Thomas asked if he could be frank with us. We of course said yes. Unbeknownst to us, elephants in full ceremonial dress are Hindu idols, and we had put it in a place of prominence in our house. He said that we should consider removing them from the apartment, and showed us scripture to support this. The bible is very clear about God’s displeasure with idols. While Adam and I discussed it and how we might handle it, we thought of giving them to the Hindu guy that manages our apartment. We prayed some more and literally the SECOND that we stopped praying, the doorbell rang, and it was the apartment manager (who never comes in the evening, mind you!). We promptly bagged up the carvings and gave them to him to take away. The thing that really convicted us to get rid of them too was that the very night that we bought them, I started being plagued by demonic dreams. I had a strong feeling that it was something to do with the carvings. Another neat thing that came out of the situation was that Pastor Thomas mentioned later in church that the speed with which we made our decision and the equally quick action was a lesson for him in his habit of procrastination.
I have had another experience like this before involving spiritual warfare, and at the time I didn’t understand why God would allow it. Eventually I realized that He allowed it to bring a bad situation to light so it could be dealt with and removed from my life once and for all. This is definitely the case here. It wasn’t so much having to do with getting rid of the carving. The main point was to bring to me to that place where I was so utterly backed into a corner that I had to do something, like make the decision to fight the oppression and accept Jesus’ truths. Thomas used a great analogy from a Malayali movie, where a guy robs another guy by putting a carrot to his back, pretending it was a gun. The analogy really struck a chord with both me and Adam. The enemy is holding a carrot to our backs! Why do we give in to him so easily? We give the enemy way more power than he has or deserves.
We have been blessed in such a tremendous way by Pastor Thomas, Molly the son Rohith, the daughter Manju, her husband Jereen, and Manju and Jereen’s one year old little boy DJ. Its like we’ve known them for years. Yesterday was Adam’s birthday, and the whole family surprised Adam and came over in the evening with a cake. Jereen was traveling to the US later that night as well but still came over. It was a very touching and special gesture. We only have three more Sundays with them. Its heartbreaking to think of leaving them.
Praise God for being such a faithful father, even when we don't understand the work that He is doing in us. Blessed be the name of the Lord!
Thursday, June 10, 2010
One Month Left
Today we experienced what I’ve been dreading during the whole trip, which was going to the hospital. There are no private doctor’s offices here- everyone just goes to the hospital. Hailey has had an infected ingrown toenail for a few weeks, and we’ve been treating it at home. With it not showing much improvement, we finally decided to take her in. The hospital building itself was better than I expected, and I wasn’t worried about the quality of the doctor because there are a lot of smart, talented people here. My main fear was the equipment and its cleanliness, and the masses of sick people that we’d have to be around while waiting. Sure enough, there were a ton of people. When we finally did see the doctor, he barely spoke English and essentially just cleaned her toe and gave us some antibiotics. I’m extremely thankful that it didn’t need anything more.
This is a rough time of year here because with the monsoons come the host of horrendous mosquito-borne diseases. Cases of H1N1 are on the rise, as well as that brutal Chikunguyna that I had when we were here in 2007. It made your body ache so badly that even laying down hurt. Worst of all is that Dengue fever has now made its way here, and people are contracting it throughout the state. Prayers for our health and safety are coveted more than ever!
We have 3 ½ weeks left in the trip, and I’ve been reflecting on the whole trip over the past few days. All I can say is that it has been weirder than I ever could have imagined. I knew we’d face a lot of boredom, as we did last time, but I never thought it would last as long as it has and that the isolation would be so severe. I had thought I’d find a friend that I could hang out with. I realized that God has brought me several different friends but only for very short time periods. There were the missionary ladies from America who were there for one weekend. Then, there were the European ladies for a few Friday nights out and a Wednesday lunch, but they all left for their home countries months ago. Then there was Janice and Mohan who provided the two weeks out at the summer camp for the girls. We have some great fellowship with folks at church here as well, but that is only for three hours on a Sunday. The rest of the 90% of our time has been total isolation. The hardest aspect has been not having regular support and fellowship with another Christian woman like I get from my friends at home. Again, I thought I’d somehow find that here.
I’m at a loss to explain what this has all been about. I have faced many stressful situations in my life before but never like this. More than anything, it’s been psychological punishment. I feel like I’ve been taken to the edge of all that I can stand, and then God brings me back just one inch. I’ve had to trust Him even when I’ve felt like He is turning a deaf ear to my prayers, which has been most of the time. I’ve cried out angrily to God about what has seemed like an utter waste- for the girls and I to be stuck in isolation in our apartment for so long. Then I read about some missionaries to China who were beheaded one week after they arrived. Wow- talk about feeling like it was a waste! I can’t imagine what they must have been thinking, like ‘Are you kidding?! I came all the way here to be killed in the first week!’ Further reading revealed that a huge surge in conversions took place because of their deaths. I’m hoping that the lessons learned here will have some impact on people we encounter throughout our lives. Perhaps it won’t. Perhaps it is just a test.
Many blessings have come about in this trip, to be sure. We are blessed to have been involved in Radiant, our little church here. The people are amazing, and I know that Adam has been a blessing to them through encouragement, speaking, and building their website. I’d like to think that I’ve been an encouragement to the pastor’s wife as well. I think Adam overall has received a lot of blessing in this trip. He has had amazing success at work and has been recognized for his talents. The downside of it all has been that he’s had to deal with me and my emotions! I’m sure that’s been his cross to bear during this trip.
Thanks again to everyone for their prayers, especially to my friends who have put up with my constant whining e-mails. I can’t imagine how these past five months would have been without e-mail support!
This is a rough time of year here because with the monsoons come the host of horrendous mosquito-borne diseases. Cases of H1N1 are on the rise, as well as that brutal Chikunguyna that I had when we were here in 2007. It made your body ache so badly that even laying down hurt. Worst of all is that Dengue fever has now made its way here, and people are contracting it throughout the state. Prayers for our health and safety are coveted more than ever!
We have 3 ½ weeks left in the trip, and I’ve been reflecting on the whole trip over the past few days. All I can say is that it has been weirder than I ever could have imagined. I knew we’d face a lot of boredom, as we did last time, but I never thought it would last as long as it has and that the isolation would be so severe. I had thought I’d find a friend that I could hang out with. I realized that God has brought me several different friends but only for very short time periods. There were the missionary ladies from America who were there for one weekend. Then, there were the European ladies for a few Friday nights out and a Wednesday lunch, but they all left for their home countries months ago. Then there was Janice and Mohan who provided the two weeks out at the summer camp for the girls. We have some great fellowship with folks at church here as well, but that is only for three hours on a Sunday. The rest of the 90% of our time has been total isolation. The hardest aspect has been not having regular support and fellowship with another Christian woman like I get from my friends at home. Again, I thought I’d somehow find that here.
I’m at a loss to explain what this has all been about. I have faced many stressful situations in my life before but never like this. More than anything, it’s been psychological punishment. I feel like I’ve been taken to the edge of all that I can stand, and then God brings me back just one inch. I’ve had to trust Him even when I’ve felt like He is turning a deaf ear to my prayers, which has been most of the time. I’ve cried out angrily to God about what has seemed like an utter waste- for the girls and I to be stuck in isolation in our apartment for so long. Then I read about some missionaries to China who were beheaded one week after they arrived. Wow- talk about feeling like it was a waste! I can’t imagine what they must have been thinking, like ‘Are you kidding?! I came all the way here to be killed in the first week!’ Further reading revealed that a huge surge in conversions took place because of their deaths. I’m hoping that the lessons learned here will have some impact on people we encounter throughout our lives. Perhaps it won’t. Perhaps it is just a test.
Many blessings have come about in this trip, to be sure. We are blessed to have been involved in Radiant, our little church here. The people are amazing, and I know that Adam has been a blessing to them through encouragement, speaking, and building their website. I’d like to think that I’ve been an encouragement to the pastor’s wife as well. I think Adam overall has received a lot of blessing in this trip. He has had amazing success at work and has been recognized for his talents. The downside of it all has been that he’s had to deal with me and my emotions! I’m sure that’s been his cross to bear during this trip.
Thanks again to everyone for their prayers, especially to my friends who have put up with my constant whining e-mails. I can’t imagine how these past five months would have been without e-mail support!
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